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I have been in your life for 31 years now.
They have not all been the same. My first memories are of time spent with you. I would keep hoping to get more of those times. Even when I started screaming one day when you walked in the house because you were away so often that I did not recognize you. Even if it meant watching you nap when my cartoons were over because I did not want to disturb you. You are the only one who could make a toddler sit still for an hour…
The first dream I ever recall was of you. It was a nightmare that said “I miss you”.
You were the one I preferred asking permissions to. No offense Mom… but Dad said yes more often. And the way you looked at me when you said it made me feel like I had to earn it and not push the limit once permission was granted.
You made me learn to say the truth. I would always get caught anyways if I lied. It was much simpler to say the truth, even when it meant I would get punished. You were happier when I said the truth. And I wanted you to be happy all the time.
You disapproved of a few things I did. And I never meant to disappoint you. Although I know it was not really disappointment, but rather fear that I would regret decisions and paint myself in a corner. But that was because you did not realise that you hade made me strong and resourceful. Because of you, I never got scared that I would not be able to find work. I knew that I could do anything, or find a way to do it if I did not know how yet.
You gave me your brains. You were always the smart one, and then I came along and we understood things together. We talked about some stuff… when you actually let me talk that is. I had to learn to speak louder. And I made you listen, even when you were already thinking about what you wanted to reply next, even when your mind was already made up. You could have made me a lawyer for all those times I had to fight to get my point across.
And I would have been a good lawyer, because you taught me right from wrong. And you gave me a gift that I will cherish all my life and hopefully beyond as I carry it with my name: family. You made me love it and respect it. I still long for the day I will reward you with the continuity of your name. I want to carry what you and your father before you have created, a chain of good-hearted life-loving human beings who do great things, small or big. And that love embrasses differences, enabling love for imperfection that in itself makes it entirely perfect.
For all those 31 years, I have worked hard to make you proud of me. And while you never asked Dad, it makes me want to tell you that I am the one person in the world who is the most proud of you. There has never been anything in life that made me doubt you. My dad has always been the strongest and the best. My dad will always be the strongest and the best. I never envied anyone’s father. Not one single time. I had all the dad I needed, whether he was near or far; whether or not he was able to tell me he loved me.
You might keep wishing for a lot of things in life for me. You might have a vision of the life you wish I had. But you can stop wishing well for me Dad. It’s done now. You’ve succeeded. I am there, fully grown, fully equipped for life, thanks to you. You did it. You’ve had a child who grew up to become happy. Because no matter the ups and downs, I am happy with my life. I am grateful for being your daughter, for health, for my strong moral compass, for the knowledge that I will always take the right direction, no matter where it leads me. Because no matter where I land, I know where I come from.
I love you
C
PS: Why in English? Just because I know you will understand it anyways and because I like to piss you off. 
N’oublie pas que tu m’as aussi appris à aimer ma langue et à la chérir.
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